David Feeney MP

Tuesday 25th, March 2014

The Hon. David Feeney MP

PO Box 6022

House of Representatives

Parliament House

Canberra

ACT 2600

               

Dear David,

Congratulations on your recent appointment as the Shadow Minister for Justice. It must be nice to have the greatest job title in the world. As well as the fact that you’re also the Member for the seat of Batman, I'm pretty sure that people all over the world are now calling you the hero that North Melbourne deserves.

The Batman movies made lots of money. I’ve seen them all, they’re very good. If you haven’t seen them, you should. Then you’ll start to get a lot of the Batman jokes people make. Obviously, people really relate to the Batman movies. People say that they’re the best comic-book movies ever. I don’t really agree with that though, because I preferred ‘Garfield’.

Labor are a lot like the Batman. They’re trying to do good stuff deep down, but I guess they have to pretend to be bad on the outside, a lot like Bruce Wayne, so people won’t know that they’re the Batman. I understand though. Letting the Liberals win is a bit like the bit where Bruce Wayne goes to prison in Tibet, right? You should really watch the Batman movies so you know what I’m talking about.

It might help your chances at the next election to bring in an actual Batman. You would need to appoint a member of the shadow ministry to be the Batman, and there’d be like, a Bat-Tax to pay for all his equipment, and he’d stalk the streets at night defending justice. It would probably need to be Stephen Conroy, because he looks like the only person who’d be quite comfortable punching somebody.

You probably think it’s a silly idea, but look how well the Republicans did when they gave California its own Terminator, and Detroit are getting a Robocop statue. It makes sense that Batman gets a Batman.

I like how the voice when the train stops at Batman station pronounces Batman the same way that Michael Caine pronounces Batman in the Batman movies. You’ll understand what I mean when you watch the movies.

                Warmest regards.

                Tom