Adam Bandt MP

Friday April 4^th 2014

The Hon. Adam Bandt MP

280 King Street

Melbourne

VIC 3000

               

Dear Adam,

Hello. I recently sent a letter to David Feeney (He likes politics like you do). I found it very strange that he is the elected Member for Batman, and also the Shadow Minister for Justice. I thought to myself, “Well. David Feeney is clearly Batman”. I sent him a letter telling him that I now know this.

But then it got me thinking. “That’s too obvious,” I thought. If he really was the Batman, he’d have a far more clever disguise, much like Bruce Wayne has. And David Feeney, with all due respect, doesn’t look like he could be a Batman. If anything, he’d be better off as Alfred.

Speaking of Alfred, isn’t it funny how Michael Caine talks? How he says ‘Da’ instead of ‘The’. It’s because he’s a cockney from London. But I think you know what I’m getting at here.

The original Batman was called Adam West. Your first name is Adam. You also grew up in Adelaide, which is west of Melbourne, your electorate. Some people might think that’s just a coincidence, but I’ve done some digging around.

Bruce Wayne is famously a misunderstood humanitarian, with his company sponsoring orphanages and stuff. You’re part of the Greens, which is an entire organisation of humanitarians that a lot of people don’t understand. It all adds up.

Again, you’re probably going to shrug all this off and say, “It’s just a coincidence”, but as Commissioner Gordon said to Joseph “Not-Commissioner” Gordon-Levitt in Batman 3 “Coincidences aren’t real” (it wasn’t exactly that, but I don’t have the internet so I can’t look it up).

I put it to you, Adam Bandt, that you must be the Batman. “How does he know this?” you might ask. Well, I worked out your little code. Amongst all the other evidence, I worked out that your name is an anagram of ‘Da Batman’, which is exactly how Michael Caine would pronounce it! It doesn’t even make sense that you have a T after a D! That was the giveaway! You dropped the ball, Bandt! Or should I say, BRUCE WAYNE.

It’s okay though. I realise that Batman is a force for good and the city (Melbourne) needs you. It’ll be our little secret for now. Just don’t turn to the dark side, or I’ll have to tell the press.

Also, does this mean that Tony Abbott is Bane?

                Warmest regards.

                Tom